My Favorite Time of Day

I am NOT a morning person. I never have been. I wish I never had to get out of bed before 11 AM. But I don't live in a fantasy world, I live in the real world, where I have a job and responsibilities, so I have to get up at 6:30 each day instead. And although I still dread the moment my alarm goes off every morning, I have realized that I actually really enjoy the half hour block of time right after I wake up in the morning.

I used to wake up and give myself an hour and a half to shower, do my hair and makeup, and get ready for work. That usually didn't include breakfast... breakfast was a slim fast that I would drink as I drove to school. But when I got pregnant, I had to change my morning schedule. To reduce the effects of morning sickness, I had to set aside a half hour block every morning so that I could lay in bed and nibble on graham crackers, cheerios, or some other dry food. Jacob is still asleep during this time, so I get to lay in bed and cuddle with my husband for a half hour every morning. I love it! I don't worry about anything--I have zero stress for that half hour. I usually feel pretty good, because I haven't gotten out of bed or even sat up yet. I just lay in bed, eat food, and snuggle my husband. And he usually snuggles me back, even if he's asleep when he does it. What could be better than that? :)

9 Weeks...

What is with that stomach bump that I've already got?! I read somewhere that typical weight gain in the first trimester is 3 to 5 pounds. I had gained 8 pounds by 6 weeks, which was the last time I weighed myself, so I don't even know how much more I've gained since then. But I have a little belly! People at work can tell I'm pregnant! I was not prepared for this... I thought the stomach wouldn't come until a little later. I already am too big for my clothes. I was not quite ready yet to say goodbye to my flat stomach! But I woke up the other day and realized that it had disappeared. So... Goodbye. I hope some day I will have the pleasure of seeing you again. :(

(By the way, don't pay attention to that weird little bump in the front... I had to unbutton my pants to wear them, so it's just the front of my pants poking through my shirt.)

Psycho

I have never been so emotional before in my life. I don't quite know how to deal with it! I feel like a crazy person. I get so upset over the smallest things, and even though I can feel myself overreacting and being completely irrational, I can't do anything to stop myself. I have no control over my emotions!

I cried the other day at work reading A CHILDREN'S BOOK about Harriet Tubman. And not just once... No, I cried multiple times while reading this book to myself. I just finished watching The Prince and Me, and I cried three times throughout the course of the movie. I have seen this movie plenty of times, and I have never cried. It is not a cry-worthy movie, and I am a complete baby, so I would know if it was. I cried multiple times while watching Bride Wars about a week ago. Ridiculous, I know! It's a comedy! And I cried.

And poor Jacob has to live with me. I'm worried that he's beginning to think I've lost my mind. Maybe I have. Two nights ago, I had some kind of mental/emotional breakdown. It was ridiculous. I went to bed at 8:30, as I have been doing all week because I'm completely exhausted. And when I woke up for the second time because I had to pee, I couldn't see Jacob in the apartment. So I looked around a little (it's not like there's anywhere in our apartment to go), and he was just gone! Now try to understand... In my mind, it was the middle of the night, and my husband had disappeared. After texting him a few times and getting no response, I became hysterical. As it turned out, it was only 11:30, and he was just upstairs playing a game with his friend. He hadn't even put on his shoes--they were still sitting on our apartment floor. But none of that mattered. Even after I realized it was only 11:30, I couldn't calm down. Even after I had finally gotten ahold of Jacob and found out where he was, I couldn't calm down. I sobbed for about an hour until he came home. I had cried so hard for so long that I couldn't breathe. Jacob had to calm me down and rub my back until I could stop crying enough that I could breathe again and finally fall back to sleep.

I don't like feeling like I've lost all control over my own emotions. And I really don't like knowing that people must think I'm psychotic. Our friends upstairs must have thought I was nuts, after I texted or called Jacob about 20 times in the course of an hour. How do people deal with these insane emotions?!

Lonely

My husband left me today to go to Colorado and go camping with his family. I feel so lonely. We haven't been apart since we got married, and I hate it. I don't like coming home to an empty apartment and knowing that it's going to stay that way. I don't like knowing that I have to sleep by myself. I think I cried for about a half hour last night because he was leaving me. And then I cried this morning when I said goodbye (he was sleeping). And then I cried when I came home. I'm sure being overly emotional because I'm pregnant has something to do with all the tears (I also cried while watching Bride Wars today after work... multiple times). Now I want to cry because I feel incredibly sick, and he's not here to complain to or to rub my back and make me feel better.

Jacob... don't ever leave me again. :(

Venting

I hate being pregnant. I am so sick all the time. I can't do dishes, I can't do laundry, I can't clean the house... people come over, and it looks TERRIBLE, and I feel so embarassed, but I can't get anything done! Yesterday I felt sick basically for the entire day other than a two hour period, and I threw up twice. And the night before, I woke up 8 times because I had to pee. 8!! I don't think I slept for more than an hour and a half straight that night. I have had to stop showering in the morning because it always makes me feel worse and usually results in me getting sick. So I have to shower at night and have gross-looking hair all day. And eating all the time is not fun! I am so tired of everything that we have to eat. I have to be eating constantly, or else the nausea gets out of control. But I don't have an appetite, because I eat so much that I don't want food anymore. Even when I feel hungry, I still don't want food. Nothing sounds good. And if I can smell food, no matter what it is, it makes me nauseous. So I have to somehow find food to make and eat that doesn't have any kind of smell. I hate it. I hate it all. :(

*sigh* I don't know how I'll make it through the next month.

In happier news, we think Jacob got a job! It's a part time, on-call position at Provo Canyon school, where he used to work. We are hoping that soon they will have a full-time position open up. Two different people that he has talked to there have said that they are planning on maybe hiring someone full-time in the fall. But in the meantime, at least we will have a little extra money coming in!

Sorry for the lack of pictures on my posts. I just have none that I have been wanting to put up, or I've been too lazy to take any. And I don't know the rules about putting up pictures that you find on the web, so I just avoid it altogether to keep myself out of trouble. :)

Mis-matched Socks

I have been having more trouble than usual finding two socks that match to wear each day. Yesterday, as Jacob was sticking his feet in my face, I realized that the reason for this is because he has been wearing my socks! And the man never wears matching socks, thus making problems for me in finding a matching pair. When I asked him why he would want to wear my socks (which say "Hanes Her Way" on them in pink) he said, "They're so comfy!"

I think on my next trip to Walmart, after I pick up a pair of men's pajama pants for myself (Jacob is getting annoyed with me always wearing his), I'm going to have to pick up a package of women's socks for my husband.

And so it begins...

It has started... the morning/afternoon/night sickness of the pregnant. *sigh* The last few days, I have felt nauseous about 80% of the time, and this morning I actually got sick. Hopefully that doesn't become a daily occurrence. I read somewhere that morning sickness is linked with less chance of miscarriage... probably just another pregnancy myth, but I'll pretend it's true because it makes me feel better!

Hunger

I am SOOO hungry all the time! We had dinner no more than 45 minutes ago... Italian chicken, cheesy garlic bread, and yummy buttery corn. I ate a ton. And I am already starving (and for some reason craving apples). I have to eat every hour or two, or else I get so hungry I start to feel sick. It's ridiculous. I started keeping granola bars in our bedroom because usually by the third time I wake up around 4 or 5 in the morning (I wake up 3 times every night now because I have to pee so badly... it sucks), the hunger pains are so bad I can't fall back to sleep unless I eat something to calm my stomach. *sigh* I can't afford to eat this much food!

We suck at keeping secrets.

Well, we weren't going to tell anyone yet, but since we got too excited and already told all of the three people who read our little blog, I guess I can make the announcement now: We're pregnant! Because of the higher risk of miscarriage in the first trimester, we wanted to wait until closer to the second trimester to tell people... but as I said, we got too excited! Here is the picture of the lovely stick I peed on:


I was surprised that it even showed up positive the day I took the first pregnancy test (I took 3... we got them all from friends as gag gifts, so I figured I may as well use them all). My period could easily still have been coming--it was no more than a couple days late. But I had just had this feeling for the previous week or so that I was pregnant, and I didn't want to wait any longer. Besides, we had 3 tests, so I figured I could waste one and take the test early.

I've been feeling SUPER emotional lately. I hate it. I tear up at the most ridiculous things. I was reading a Pregnancy magazine at the doctor's office yesterday because I had been waiting forever and was incredibly bored, and I read this story about a pregnant woman who started tearing up as she was unloading the dishwasher because she was thinking about how she would someday teach her child to unload the dishwasher. It sounded completely ridiculous! And yet as I sat there, thinking about how ridiculous it was, my throat started feeling tight, and I started tearing up! I hate not having more control over my emotions.

On a different topic, Jacob made dinner yesterday! I was very impressed. I have begged him to make us dinner a few times lately because I've been so exhausted, but he always tells me that "It's impossible!" and that he is "incapable of cooking". I always tell him that his excuses are ludicrous and that anyone can follow a recipe... but I did get a little worried when I asked him to make a can of tomato soup once, and he dumped the can in a bowl, stuck it in the microwave, and called it good. The first thing it says on the can is to add a can of water! But somehow he didn't even see that step. Silly boy.

Anyway, I have been sick for the past couple days, so I begged him last night to make dinner for us. He sent me to lay down on the couch while he made pasta and mashed potatoes, the two things in our pantry that he felt he could handle. Every few minutes I would hear a strange squeal or yelp coming from the kitchen, so I would jump up and run in to see what I could help with, but he would just send me back to sit on the couch. Despite whatever happened in there to cause all of his yells, dinner was delicious! So thank you, honey!

After dinner, we watched Rat Race and snuggled on the couch. Jacob laughed SO hard during that movie. I loved it. I love it when my husband finds something genuinely funny and laughs really hard... for some reason, I find it adorable.

Pictures of the hubby making dinner: (Please excuse our messy kitchen/table... I've been sick.)